- Bro 1: bro let's get matching anchor tattoos
- Bro 2: why bro?
- Bro 1: so our broship doesn't float away
- Bro 2: bro..
my 6-year-olds were upset because i taught them ‘television’ and they were like NO TEACHER IT’S A TV
so i wrote ‘television’ on the board and highlighted “T” and “V” and they reacted like i’d just taught them the secrets of the universe
when I was like 9 my neighbors asked me to watch their fish and cat while they went on vacation and I was like “lol k” and while they were gone tHE FUCKING FISH DIED so when they got home I apologized to the mom and she was just like “no need to apologize, I turned the filter off so they would die because they are too much work. You did nothing wrong” and she gave me 20 bucks and that is the story of my first contracted murder
2014 is half over and
- -i lost no weight
- -didn’t learn anything
- -haven’t made an effort to save money
- -still ugly
I hope I’m one of those kids that just magically becomes hot after they leave high school
Real life: most common eye color is brown
Literature: eye color is anything but brown